Locker Room Diaries

Is it in any way necessary to spend upwards of 5 minute drying your misshapen cock and balls with a hair dryer in a gym changing room?
No. No it is not. Nor is it acceptable to swing them about like some sort unholy slingshot while liberally applying baby powder until the whole room looks like the Pillsbury Dough Boy staggered in drunk and threw up. It’s a changing room not ancient Rome you saggy skinned, badly, tattooed cretin. It always seems to be the guys with wangs that look like a depressed door mouse has topped it’s self in a stolen birds nest. I’m generally not bothered by the company of other naked men. After all i have lived in Brighton most of my life but there needs to be some quality control in these changing rooms. Or at the very least a special area for those whose parts resemble a half eaten dead rat trying to escape from a cartoon thunder cloud.
A man i see regularly in the gym posed an interesting question to me a few weeks ago. (You’ll need to put on a voice like a middle class Brightonion doing a shit Danny Dyer impression for this) “So, you’ve got FHM’s 100 sexiest woman lined up in front of you, naked, bent over and ready to receive. You are allowed one thrust in each, how many can you get through before you blow your beans?”. If GCSE maths had questions like this i would have passed first time and maybe even got a B. But that’s not to say its an easy question. There are many factors involved. Do you descend from 100 to 1 or ascend from 1 to 100? You need to account for wind resistance, nerves and when you last lost your muck. If i’m honest, weeks later i am still at a bit of a loss but i think it is unlikely to be any more than 2.